Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Ecclesiastes: "He Who Dies With the Most Hebel Wins"

(Ecclesiastes 2:9-11, 21st Century Version)
    Okay, I gave it my best shot.  I am really trying to find a way to make this life meaningful.

     You would not believe how much I studied.  I tried to learn as much as I could about as many things as I could find.  It was like chasing the wind.  I never quite caught it, and even if I would have, what’s the point?  

    I hired all the best comedians, They were stupid. Nothing is funny anymore.  A man can walk into a bar only so many times.  Good humor is based in reality, and reality is hebel. (Have I said that already?)

     Did I mention I drank a lot,  and it wasn’t the cheap stuff.  I didn’t just do it to get drunk; I did it purposefully, as an experiment to see if happiness could be found at the bottom of a bottle.  I found nothing other than the occasional worm.  

    I built a ton of stuff.  I had over 100,000 people working on just the temple and my palace.  I built vineyards and gardens and blah blah blah.  One day they will all crumble, thanks to that sun and rain I mentioned last time.

    So I went shopping, and let me tell you, I have wives who can teach me how to shop like you would not believe.  I bought everything I wanted.  Now, even the singing fish on my wall is getting old.

    I hired musicians and started Solomonpalooza.  It was boring.  There is only so much you can do with a harp and a zither.  And nobody had a bass player, so who was I supposed to pay for the pizza?

    So…I got some more wives.  If they looked good at all, I brought ‘em home.  I probably should not have done this when I was experimenting with the wine. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but they bored me too.  (I recently re-read that Song about love I wrote when I was a LOT younger, and I think I may have overstated my case).

  Bottom line?  I became great and increased more than all who preceded me in Jerusalem. My wisdom was well known. All that my eyes desired I indulged in. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure... I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun.  

I have a new bumper sticker idea; “He who dies with the least hebel wins.”  I hope people don’t mess with this one like they did with “Hebel happens.”

(Up Next: "I'm With Hebel")

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